


Habits

by MikasButt



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Backstory for an oc thats from an rp, Cheating, Cigarettes, F/M, Her name is Violet, I haven't posted in almost a year and I come back with this lmao, I think this is my first original work on here, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Sexual Content, Smoking, Violet is kinda edgy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-23 20:10:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20210149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikasButt/pseuds/MikasButt
Summary: Gotta stay high all my lifeTo forget I'm missing you





	Habits

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted in almost a year.
> 
> I don't know if anyone will quite care about this work, or if anyone cares that I'm posting again. This OC and this story are really special to me, and nice comments would be very appreciated if you can. :)

**Eleven**

Everything was a blur around me. The flashing lights, the room, and especially the people around me. They came and went, asking her questions about the events leading up to everything.

My mother overdosing didn’t come as a surprise to me, she’d been hopped on coke for weeks now, trying to get a fix whenever possible. It brought out the worst in her. Brought out the worst in me, too.

It was a fate so cruel, sometimes I wondered how I had even been born into a hell such as this.

Maybe I blamed my father, for leaving before I was born, maybe I blamed my mother, ruled by the very drug that had almost killed her.

But maybe I blamed myself. 

Blamed myself for being born in the first place.

Because at the age of eleven, I had lost everything. With nothing but a handful of outfits and a singular pair of shoes to my name, I found myself moving from couch to couch. It seemed the paramedics that took my mother had failed to remember the child that had nowhere to turn. They failed to even notice me walking out of my front door, duffle bag filled with my belongs in hand.

One thing, I suppose, about living in a town so relatively small, is that everyone knew my situation. It was both a blessing and a curse. Simply for the looks I received, as well as the community pitying me enough to allow me a place to rest my head.

At the time, I was grateful, grateful I was fortunate enough to not have to suffer through the colder weather, trying to find refuge in every possibly warm corner of Washougal.

  
  
  


**Sixteen**

I wiped the sweat off my brow as I hoisted up the bag of flour, carrying it over to the mixer. My shoulders ached and I panted.

“Hurry up, short-stack!” A voice-- Ryan’s voice called from the freezer.

“I’m trying,” I muttered, hoisting the bag over the side of the mixer. Pulling out a knife, I slit the bag open, allowing the flour to flour to flow into the mixer. It was the last of the ingredients, luckily, and I took this moment to catch my breath.

God, I was really out of shape…

“You did good,” Ryan spoke up, walking up beside me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked over. “It’s the end of your shift, right?”

I nod, emptying the last of the bag into the mixer. After finishing up, I set it and turned it on.

“You need a ride home? It’s the end of mine too. I wouldn’t mind,” Ryan asked.

I shook my head-- no. Not many people knew about her past, which was a miracle, but she wasn’t keen on letting him possibly finding out by dropping her off. Really, she didn’t want to bring up anything about her personal life. The goal was to save up for her own place, not to make friends.

“No thanks. I can walk,” I said.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Thanks for the offer though.”

Ryan sighed, seemingly giving up and taking a step back.

“Alright. Let me know if you change your mind, okay?”

“Sure.”

Cleaning up the space, I finished things up and went to clock out.

My walk was relatively short, taking back-alleys and shortcuts towards the place I was staying. Really, getting there was a sweet relief, being able to finally lay down. A nap was certainly needed, and I was more than ready to crash until the end of my shift.

And yet, I instead spent the majority of the night awake; contemplating my entire life.

It was something I did often these days.

**Eighteen**

By the age of eighteen, I had somehow managed to get my own place after I had graduated. It was a welcome relief, after all the shit I had gone through over the years. Every bit of saving up had led to this, and I couldn’t have been happier. Well, unless I managed to win the lottery as well. Though, that was a far fetched concept. 

Even more so as the years progressed, and I met Liam. It was absolutely typical, the way I met him. At a coffee shop, of course.

He was sweet a first. Had a real way with words that made my stomach do flips. I hate admitting that I actually fell for him.  _ Fast. _

Too bad, that sweet side of him really didn’t last more than six months. He kept up a ruse until I got too sucked in to really notice. Though, yes, he was nice, he still had a temper. And quite the knack for sleeping with other women in town.

I hate that it took me two whole years to find that out for myself…

And I had to learn the hard way. Walking in on him nailing another woman. In our bed, nonetheless.

“You fucking bastard…” I breathed, heart racing with both panic as well as anger.

_ I was furious. _

“Vi, it’s not what you think.”

“Oh, so you weren’t really screwing some girl in  _ our _ bed? Was I just imagining you having sex with her, then? Huh?” I practically shouted, clenching my fists as I stood.

“I- shit Vi. I didn’t mean for this.”

“Didn’t mean for this? Meaning for me to find out that you’ve been cheating on me. Of course you didn’t. Because you’re scum who thinks I’m a fucking moron.”

And then he had the audacity to get out of bed, the girl lying there, eyes wide with surprise. It was obvious she had no clue what was going on, or what to do about it. I felt bad for her being dragged into this.

“You’re not a moron, Vi,” Liam said, stepping closer.

I stepped back in response, hands shaking as I clenched them as tight as possible.

“Clearly you think I am if you think that I wouldn’t have found out about this eventually,” I scoffed. “You’re an idiot, Liam. You really fucking are.”

“Violet, I don’t think you’re an idiot, I--”

I interrupted him.

“Jesus fucking christ Liam I don’t want to hear it. Just get out. I’m going to give you two hours to get all your shit out. But after that, I don’t want to see you again.”

Liam stayed quiet for a moment, before nodding.

“Right…”

A part of him seemed sad like he had finally given up trying to fight me about this.

The next two hours of my life were long. Likely the longest two hours of my life. I stood in the middle of my empty apartment. The aftermath of a tragedy of my own making, heart aching for the emptiness in my soul that Liam left.

A bottle to my lips, music turned up far too loud for this time of night. 

Tears streamed down my face as I lit a cigarette. One drag and then another. The smoke filling my lungs, clouding the air around me. The burning sensation a familiar feeling which I welcomed with open arms.

I had been utterly betrayed in nearly every sense of the word.

Liam being my one distraction in this world, I struggled with the realization that once again, I was completely alone.

Nothing could bring back the almost unwavering trust I had for that man, for whatever reason that was.

The emptiness was met with full bottles of alcohol, finding refuge in the arms of strangers.

As if strangers could fuck the sadness that lied within my soul out of me. A bad habit, a horrible way to disguise how much my heart ached for some sort of refuge.

Some break in the stream of misfortune I seemed to be drowning in. An endless ocean, waves crashing over my heart any time I thought I had made it to the surface.

“Do you like that?” The stranger growled, hips moving at a rigorous pace. And I nodded, breathless as his hand kept on my throat.

And I did.

I liked the brief sense of relief I had, feeling something, anything other than the emptiness that inhabited my soul.

Maybe it was a form of punishment, for the awfully played deck I was dealt at the start of life; but maybe it was my own doing. A means to an end of which I was unsure of the outcome.

Somehow, I prefer it this way. 

Hands roamed my body, fingers dug into my skin, pulling me as close as they could. A means to another end. One filled with far more pleasure. 

A preferable one, a desirable one that even I couldn’t argue with. Not with the sinfully wonderful things this stranger I had taken home with me did to my body.

“You’re so beautiful.”

It was met with softness that disgusted me, my head turning from the action clearly meant to be meaningful. Clearly, something that was one-sided between the two. Something I refused to reciprocate.

Love no longer had a place in my life. It hasn’t for a while, really. Not since the last person I loved fucked and left me all the same, inflicting new wounds to accompany the ones I had before.

Would this be the life I lead? Really, I was unsure. Though it seemed like a good option for the time being. Washougal had been lonely, and unkind to me since the moment I was born. It had broken me, changed me for good.

Now I was left to pick up the pieces, to figure out just what it was that I was going to do with the crumbled mess I was left with.


End file.
